It's like a Hollywood movie.
A party filled with unsuspecting guests, a few in the know fluttering around doing duties, but no one suspects anything.
The host looks nervous and has a swig from his glass for courage, takes his partner by the hand and goes down on bended knee. Whilst she tearfully stares at him, he proposes to her. He wants to marry her right here, right now, with all their friends and family as witnesses.
It's a perfect scene - until it isn't.
It is also illegal here in Australia.
The above example is what many people think of when we say a 'surprise wedding'. In Australia, it can't happen. Sure you can have a lovely ceremony with the appearance of a wedding ceremony - but it won't be legal, and no celebrant will perform the ceremony, or lead the guests to think it is real and legally binding.
It all sounds very romantic, however we know that real life is as romantic as we ourselves make it.
Imagine the looks of embarrassment if the surprised partner said No. Or runs out of the room. Or goes through with the wedding only to later claim they felt pressured into it.
There are very good reasons we don't surprise a partner with this type of offer. Even a proposal can be rejected, and a quick scan of YouTube can attest to that. We all love to watch the drama, but not if you know the person.
Personal example:
I've done a number of weddings that were surprises, where the couple surprised their guests. Every one of these weddings was memorable in special ways and worked out perfectly. One couple did it so perfectly that I walked out afterwards feeling like I had just done the best wedding I could ever do.It still remains a high for me.
On the flip side is one ceremony that never happened, and the only time I have had to say a definitive NO.
As I said before - under Australian Marriage Law it is illegal for a celebrant to lead guests into thinking a ceremony is legal when it isn't, or perform a marriage ceremony where both parties have not given consent, or filled in the required paperwork (Notice of Intention to Marry) within the time frame. No good celebrant will risk not only their authorisation, but heavy fines and possible jail, in order to conduct a marriage ceremony under these conditions.
The wedding that never happened, that of someone I considered a friend, would have fallen right into this category.
He wanted to surprise his partner. Take her to a lovely retreat, spoil her rotten, propose to her and then have me conduct the wedding. So sure was he of her response that even when I explained how it could go wrong, he refused to listen and began the organisation. She was away on holiday at the time, and I used that reprieve to try and talk him around. I filled out the NOIM with his information, and kept telling him that if he didn't speak to her by a certain date, the wedding couldn't happen.
Unbeknownst to him, I had spent time with his partner, discussing many things, including her large doubts about the relationship, only a couple of months before. They had many issues, and her doubts were valid, so that gave me real concern as to whether she would marry him at all. They needed to talk, but I couldn't betray her confidence, or his by revealing what I knew to either of them. So even without the legal implications, I was in a no win situation, and being forced feel guilty about saying I wouldn't break the law.
Not fun.
He finally spoke to her, and she was thrilled when she rang me. But she understood my position. It was sad that he didn't. He held a grudge against me for ruining his surprise, and I lost a friend. But I realised later that no good friend would ever have put anyone they cared about in the position that he did, or ask me to break the law just for him. They never did end up getting married, nor are they together now.
Surprise weddings are awesome, when they are done properly and legally. There is a lot of fun to be had when you work together to surprise your guests, and as a celebrant, I just love being a co conspirator.
But please don't ask me, or any other celebrant to break the law. We worked hard to become a celebrant. Fortunately most people respect that.
Nic xx
